Valerie’s House sees uptick in grandparents raising grandchildren

“Brian was funny, he made you laugh every time he would dance, he would crack jokes and he struggled with addiction,” said Jeanne Petronio, Brian’s mother. 

Brian Petronio was in his 30’s, a son, and a father to his 13-year-old son Jason.

His mother said “we actually thought he was doing okay. He had his own apartment and he was saving money…we were trying to make it so that Jason could live with him safely.”

At the time – Jeanne had custody of Jason until Brian was able to get his life together, but time wasn’t on their side.

“They came home from a baseball game and Jason went to a friend’s house and brian overdosed,” she said. “When the police came to my house after Brian died…they told me I had to go home and tell Jason that his dad died which was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to tell him.”

Brian’s death brought them to Valerie’s House in Fort Myers, a place where children learn loss doesn’t have to limit their dreams.

“Jason and I came two weeks after brian died, this place saved us,” said Jeanne. 

While the isolation that comes with a loss can be crippling, Jeanne and Jason found community in their support group.

“When we first got here, I will say that I felt comfortable. Jason was still really angry, but now we’re here every other Thursday night like it’s on the calendar,” said Jeanne. 

Through individual support groups at Valerie’s House, Jeanne discovered a whole group of grandparents raising grandchildren.

“I’ve been helping with the grandparent night since we started and it’s always been a large group,” said Monika Urbanska, a counselor at Valerie’s House. She says the group of grandparents is growing.

“The biggest theme that comes from the grandparents raising their grandkids is this identity crisis that they feel,” she said.

In the group, grandparents can share their unique experiences of raising a child when they didn’t expect to.

Urbanksa said, “they’ve gone through this road they say and they struggle feeling like ‘man I don’t feel like that grandparent that would typically have that limited time and fun times spoiling the grandkids.'”

However, through connections families find at Valerie’s House, people like Jeanne are learning to cope with her loss. 

“Even though I look like everything’s fine and hunky-dory there are days that I am not good, there are days that Jason is not good and it’s okay if we’re not okay,” said Jeanne.

Most of all, through Valerie’s House they now know they’re not alone.